im hella scared.

but i know better. expecting nothing and if something, the worst. thats the only thing really.

oh blah..

Aside

5 Things I Wish You Said To Prevent Our Failure

Thought Catalog

A recent breakup revealed to me that saying what you want, explaining how you feel is the only way to succeed in a relationship. I will always wish he was able to say these things.

And I reflect on our relationship and cry because I wish you were able to say these things:

1. I can’t tell you how funny it is that your stomach makes noises at night.

Or anything that put us on an even playing field. I wish you were able to relate to me. We had so much potential. All our relationship needed was a depth of similarities. You were never able to relate to me, and that is why we failed.

2. I can’t thank you enough for the things you do for me.

Appreciate the good. Appreciate the…

View original post 316 more words

Aside

The Different Ways You Can Miss Someone

Thought Catalog


At first, your mind will work in overtime just trying to forget the mere memory of that person’s existence. To mask the feelings of sadness or the constant worry that you’ll have trouble latching onto pure happiness again without them. And at first this approach will work. But then, all of a sudden, the thought of them will come back to haunt you. You’ll be riding the subway to work and you’ll see their name on signs everywhere. “___’s Dry Cleaners” or “___’s Pizza Shop” [Note to self: date someone in the future with an unusual name]. Or you’ll be blasting Spotify while getting ready for a girl’s night out and their favorite song will come on and pulse through you as if your heartbeat is now suddenly controlled by the rhythm and the lyrics of a melody that once belonged to both of you.

You’ll start to miss them…

View original post 540 more words

i feel like ripping ur face off

Aside

i had a thought this morning. or not a thought but a recollection that kind of solidified what i was always wondering..or thinking. 

that time i was crying and had finally calmed down. right after you asked me for a blowjob. 

you were using me for sex.

maybe not the whole time, i hope not at least. but at least towards the end. you felt guilty about it, i could tell but you like it too much to stop. sadhna said you’re like a child. when you like something you want so much of it. which is true, ive noticed it about you. you overdo the things you enjoy. 

when it came to me, you liked it while it was still new but when everything gets to the point where it settles and nothings really new anymore and the only new things that could happen are steps toward being more serious, you dont want it anymore. you just want fun. 

so you just wanted sex. this is making me really sad again.

part of me wants to just ask you about it but thats a bad idea. i hope its not true. =|

Aside

Irony

I think I just get sad about saturdays. Which sucks because saturdays are supposed to be the best days of the week.

Today dad said something that I thought was interesting. He said the people who can talk to strangers as if they’ve known them forever make the best politicians. It immediately reminded me of you. And then I thought about the time you told me that if a politician ever pissed me off or did me wrong, that I would completely be able to tear them apart and ruin them. So ironic. Dont think I ruined you but I’m sure I somewhat wrecked your shit.

Last night I dreamt about a lovebird I found while picking up trash. A baby lovebird that couldn’t fly even though it wanted to. And it could talk…hm.

To see a lovebird in your dream indicates that you are longing for or missing your partner.

Having difficulties staying in flight indicates a lack of power in controlling your own circumstances. You may be struggling to stay aloft or stay on set course. Things like power lines, trees, or mountains may be obstacles that you encounter in flight. These obstacles symbolize something or someone who is standing in your way in your waking life. You need to identify what or who is trying to prevent you from moving forward. Difficulty flying may also be an indication of a lack of confidence or some hesitation on your part. You need to believe in yourself and not be afraid.

To dream that you are saving the life of an animal, suggests that you are successfully acknowledging certain emotions and characteristics represented by the animal.  The dream may also stem from feelings of inadequacy or being overwhelmed. If you are setting an animal free, then it indicates an expression and release of your own primal desires.

To dream that animals can talk represent superior knowledge. Its message is often some form of wisdom.  Alternatively, a talking animal denotes your potential to be all that you can be.

To see piles of garbage in your dream represent rejected or unwanted aspects of yourself.

this dream thing is so interesting. i guess it means i just miss kevin and im having issues moving on. big surprise. its funny how the brain manifests these simple ideas in such complex ways.

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