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I didn’t dream about you today. Or at least I don’t remember it. But that’s pretty much the same thing. I guess this is finally a step in the right direction. Although I did wake up thinking about you. So I guess its a baby step.

I dunno why I’m thinking about you so much more today. Its all the bad things too. Maybe because I’m just doing mindless things. Hm. I do wonder if the bad did outweigh the good or am I just remembering it more since it was a lot more recent.

Cleaning my room today I found the few little things you gave me. Back when you were a lot better to me. I dunno why I haven’t put all that stuff away. I dunno if its because I don’t want to or it just doesn’t bother me.

Now that I think about it really, you weren’t always a shitty boyfriend to me. In the beginning it was really good. But then somewhere down the road you stopped trying or caring or something. I wonder what it was that caused that change. The first time I attributed it to you being stressed about human phys. And then you bunched me into the things that were making you unhappy and you got rid of me. But then the second time around it was the same. So I wonder if it was something I was doing. Or was it just you.

I really don’t think you know if you loved me or not. Even though my gut tells me you didn’t…its something I don’t think I want to hear you say. That would hurt a lot.

I wonder if you think about me. Or if you just shove it away and go about your day. And I do wonder how drastically your life has changed now that I’m not in it. I do think thr magnitude of that change really does reflect on how much you actually let me be apart of your life. I always hated how easy it was for you to not have me in your thoughts. Because you were always in mine. So now I just wonder if I am just completely being eradicated. I don’t know. I wonder if you’re feeling much..regret or sadness or anger or guilt or anything really. Because I could never tell what you’re thinking or feeling during our few heart to hearts. Youre always so quiet.

I think I’m just searching for any sign that I meant something to you.

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