i had a thought this morning. or not a thought but a recollection that kind of solidified what i was always wondering..or thinking. 

that time i was crying and had finally calmed down. right after you asked me for a blowjob. 

you were using me for sex.

maybe not the whole time, i hope not at least. but at least towards the end. you felt guilty about it, i could tell but you like it too much to stop. sadhna said you’re like a child. when you like something you want so much of it. which is true, ive noticed it about you. you overdo the things you enjoy. 

when it came to me, you liked it while it was still new but when everything gets to the point where it settles and nothings really new anymore and the only new things that could happen are steps toward being more serious, you dont want it anymore. you just want fun. 

so you just wanted sex. this is making me really sad again.

part of me wants to just ask you about it but thats a bad idea. i hope its not true. =|


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