im really confused with myself.

i dont really get where its all coming from. normally in situations like this people would just consider it over and done with. especially considering the way he treated me. hes not even doing anything to make me feel like this but its still there. i dont get it. why do i even miss him so much? its not like i see him or even talk to him, that talking doesnt even count as talking. so where the heck is it coming from?

i honestly can’t figure it out…am i just being really lonely? or do i really have real legitimate feelings? because it doesnt make sense…if anyone else treated me this way i would have dropped them in a second. hell, i have done it in the past. so why cant i do it now?

ugh.

nothing makes any freaking sense.

my brain feels like one giant scribble and i cant even think about anything else. i wake up in the middle of the night thinking about it.

i just wish it would all go away.

Aside

6 Spoken Word Quotes On Love

Thought Catalog

“Just so you know, my weird mind wanders, and my brave heart breaks. 
I’ve nailed some milestones, but I make mistakes. Because I’ve got more faults than a map of California earthquakes.
 I’m taking a nap beneath your covers.
 Wake me if you like me, wake me if you want me.
 Wake me if you need another poem.
 Your once and future lover has made himself at home.”

-Rives, Kite

“Seems pretty simple.
You wanna get your teeth cleaned for free? 
Date a dentist. 
New addition on the house?
 You should screw an architect. 
But if you need someone to talk dirty to you in bed,
 you better fuck a poet.”

-Rives, Dirty Talk

“She told me that she shouldn’t have let me get so attached to her; that this whole thing was a mistake, but, how can it be a mistake that I don’t have to wash my hands after I…

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The Benefit Of The Doubt Is Going Extinct In The Age Of Information

Thought Catalog

Let me break it down for you. If I don’t immediately respond to your text, I am most likely:

A. at work
B. in a meeting
C. spending time with friends
D. getting shot at in Call of Duty, which is not the best time to look at my phone.
E. napping
F. running
G. on the subway
H. in an area that has no service
I.  recharging my dead battery

Any time you find yourself waiting for a text from me, please refer to the list above and assume I’m doing one of these actions. However, I can assure you I’m not doing one of the following:

A. sleeping with someone who is decidedly not you
B. purposely ignoring your text

Why must you assume I’m doing one of these two things? Do you think in binary? You have such a limited imagination. Why can’t you assume I’m actually…

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Meh.

I need a better outlet. My thoughts are so conflicting.

“You have so much love to give.”

“I know. It’s terrible.”

“Why?”

“Because … nobody wants it.”

Aside

fucking dreams.

and so many fucking questions. 

fuck. 

Aside

This Is How You Love An Introvert

Thought Catalog

Make eye contact as frequently as possible. You should learn to know each earthy rim of her irises better than your own, so that when she doesn’t talk, you can at least understand the language of her glare.

Ask her questions. Let her play the Call, not just the Response. While you are used to filling the silence with your own anecdotes and her cough-like laugh, still make the effort to hear her stories. They won’t come easy. No, you will have to earn those whispered glimpses about her life before you. So when she speaks, listen. Ask follow-up questions and nod your head, cultivating her comfort with speaking to you like a glassblower and his art. Take care in her voice and you will find yourself with a rare, multi-colored vase of flowers, rather than an explosion of hot glass shattered on your tile floors, a possible masterpiece lost.

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