The Most Epic Mistakes Are The Ones You Make Twice

Thought Catalog

Looking back, it all seemed like a good idea at the time. Well, both times. The most epic mistakes are the ones you make twice. There was a lesson to be learned the first time, and you didn’t learn it. There were choices that you could have made so that it wouldn’t happen again, and you didn’t make them. Instead, you followed your heart instead of your brain, and let that person in again. And let me tell you, the end result is so horrifying that you would give anything to be able to go back to that first time you were picking up the shattered pieces of your heart, slap yourself in the face, and learn that lesson.

But you can’t go back. And moving forward feels like an impossibility.

When I was a senior in college, I met someone. Someone who made me feel like I was the…

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No One Deserves Secondhand Love

Thought Catalog

Don’t settle for secondhand love, for the friend who was there all along. Don’t settle for the one who stuck around regardless just because you knew they would. Just because you knew they would answer your texts late at night, laugh at your jokes, and call you on your bullshit doesn’t mean you love them. Not in that way. Settling for secondhand love wouldn’t be fair to them.

Don’t settle for a friend because it’s convenient, or because you know it will make them happy. Don’t say your heart’s in it when it’s not. It would be cruel to give them false hope, to make them think you’ll change your mind. Logically, you could, because on paper, it makes sense. You make sense together. You could grow to love them the way they want you to, but chances are you won’t.

Emotions and logic aren’t the same thing, and they…

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5 Downsides To Being An Introvert That No One Tells You About

Thought Catalog

It seems like the 21st century has become the revenge of the introvert. From Susan Cain’s Quiet: The Power of Introvert’s in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, to Marti Olsen Laney’s The Introvert Advantage to Lifehack’s “7 Positives Only Introverts Would Understand” to Forbes’ “Why Introverts Can Make the Best Leaders,” introversion has entered into the public dialectic.

And I think that’s great.

I’m an insanely introverted person myself, in fact.

I was the stereotypical nose-in-the-book but few friends type of kid. I would stay up hours past my bedtime reading with a flashlight under my covers so that my parents would think I was asleep.

I was also the nerd teenager who never got a B in an English class. Ever.

All that quiet focus I probably owe to my introverted temperament. So thanks, introverted temperament, I owe you a lot.

The pros to this…

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What You Should Do When You Miss Your Ex-Lover

Thought Catalog

If you miss her, don’t tell her. She has spent too many nights sleepless wondering if you do. She falls asleep eventually, a brief reprieve from the self-hatred and unanswered questions waiting for her when she drifts back into painful consciousness. The moment immediately after she opens her eyes is the easiest – she can’t remember why her chest feels hollow, only that it does.

If you miss her, don’t tell her. She is searching for validation in someone else’s arms. Sometimes it helps. Other times, even walking past places the two of you used to frequent induces choke-sobbing, the kind where she feels nauseated after the wracking sobs subside into whimpers. Eventually she grows tired of strange beds and stranger nightmares. She retreats back into her own room, alone. She finds that it is easier to imagine a life without you when she confronts your memory. There, your favorite…

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Aside

Never Convince Anyone That They Should Love You

Thought Catalog

I was talking to a girlfriend last night about moving on. Though we never like to phrase it this way, she was looking for affirmation or apology from people who would never give it to her, and when it became clear that she was only going to bang her head against the wall in an attempt to get them to understand or listen to her, she blocked them from her online life and stopped engaging. I told her that this was the right thing to do, that it was a small example of the battles we fight every day to get people to hear us, but I admit that I have a hard time doing it in practice. While I could admire her ability to accept futility and turn away from it — even if she struggles with it, as we all do — I imagine it will be years…

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This Is How You Lose Me

Thought Catalog

The sink is running in the bathroom as I lay naked in bed. You brush your teeth and tousle my hair and tell me, “I’ll see you later, kid.” At your touch I shiver and bury my body under the duvet. As you close the door behind you I realize that my body feels warmer than when you were laying beside me, and for the past few weeks it’s been this way.

You’re going to lose me because I can tell you’ve grown complacent in some ways, and restless in others. We go out to the movies and I glance over and another man’s name is on your phone. You’ve stopped squeezing my hand three times like we practiced when we’re out in public and you want to silently tell me ‘I love you.’

You tell our friends about our future like it is set in stone and I forget…

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